Gordon is a lonely, pudgy little boy. His dad is a shoemaker. His mom is a dessert maker. All the kids make fun of him and the cute girls are really, really mean to him. "His dad makes shoes!" "His mom makes pies. And eats them." "They are all fat." Hilarious. [Titles.]
Many years later Gordon (Chris Klein) is older and much cuter. He is on a date with a pretty little thing. They drink, dance; she takes him back to her place. He pours her some more drinks. Foreplay. He gets out some leather from his trendy bag. Then some nails. And he makes a shoe on top of her head.
The next day the cops (namely, Josh Brolin, as Peterson) are there, investigating the weird, suffocated, shoe-headed women. He lights a cigarette and yells at some extras. Over the next few months, Gordon makes some more shoes on top of hot girls' heads. They die. Peterson figures out there is a serial killer on the loose. He names him, The Cobbler.
Gordon reads the newspapers and is shocked he has been labeled so quickly. Ashamed, but still out to kill hot girls, he thinks of a new M.O., this time in defense of his mom. He starts dating a hot girl (Tara Reid, desperate for work). One night he makes some apple cobbler. He force feeds her in this weird foreplay deal. She dies. He dumps her on the side of the road. Things are bad in town, so the FBI is called in. The crack FBI team is Wesley Snipes (Hudson) and Rasheeda Jones (Reese).
When the FBI shows up, Peterson is freaked out. Peterson and Hudson argue a bunch. Peterson and Reese make eyes at each other a lot, while arguing.
When Gordon hears the FBI is after him, he isn't worried. Until he preys on his next victim and just before offing her, she becomes suspicious and runs away. He finally catches her in a back alley and in a fit of rage, he bludgeons her to death with the first thing he can get his hands on: a loose cobblestone pulled from the ancient street.
So now the crack FBI team of Hudson and Reese are after this town's three (3) brutal killers. Reese has a computer that makes lots of noises and is full of databases. Reese is also smart, almost as smart as her computer.
In the key scene she points to pictures of the dead girls and says, "Cobbled. Cobbled. Cobbled. They're all the same guy."
Her smart, noisy computer searches its databases and narrows down the list of potential murderers to sons of cobblers and cobbler-makers who have anger-management problems. There are only (only!) three in town. (Reese's computer is smart like that.)
Peterson, Hudson, and Reese, each go to a residence of one of the three cobbler's/cobbler-maker's sons-with-anger-management-problem's houses.
I don't know which one is at the right house yet because I haven't read the results from the test audiences.
7 comments:
"These shoes are killing me, literally!"
Edit of paragraph 6:
When Gordon hears the FBI is after him, he isn't worried. He is a really smart son of a cobble-makers. Until he preys on his next victim. While deciding whether he should beat the hotty with a stiletto or shove her face full of brown betty, she escapes. He finally catches her in a back alley and in a fit of rage, he bludgeons her to death with the first thing he can get his hands on: a loose cobblestone pulled from the ancient street. At this moment he realizes he has made a fatal mistake. See, he realizes how smart Rasheeda and her supercomputer are, so he gets scared, stops killing people, and starts going to church to throw off the feds. he even volunteers at the retirement home on Wednesdays.
Question: why don't rasheeda and wesley have movie names?
Re: Wesley and Rasheeda, FIFY
To your edits -- while I love the fact she gets cobbled with cobblestone, I don't know if I see how volunteering would remove Gordon from the smart, noisy computer's files as one of three cobblerses' sons in town. Last I checked "stopped killing" does not equal "not guilty." Though there's probably a good movie with a great speech in it right there.
Duh. Please re-read my comment. EDIT OF PARAGRAPH 6
Oh, the story still continues. He's just trying to keep a low profile. But the feds are on to 'em. Adding in these fresh new details to the already thrilling storyline results in the movie concluding with an edge-of-your-seat game of cat and mouse all leading up to the exhilarating finale.
**I still can't work these taglines into the plot:
If the shoe fits wear it
These boots were made for walking
The proof is in the pudding.
Those in glass slippers shouldn't throw stones?
OK, Derek, changes made...
I forgot to add that whoever is at the right house will have a pointed conversation about his mom's recipes, which will lead Gordon to the kitchen to pull down a box of them.
*TENSION*
At this time, Gordon realizes that this is a cop. At this time, the cop realizes that this is The Cobbler.
*MORE TENSION*
Gordon returns to the room, holding the recipes. The cop reaches slowly for the gun. Gordon is on to the cop. In his bold getaway, he fans the recipes out like a geisha girl, drops them on the floor, twirls like a ballerina and butterfly-flits his way out of the room.
I don't know what happens next. I guess obviously this has gotta be Reese now, huh.
Post a Comment