neMEsis

"He's his own worst enemy."

Rowan Atkinson lives life and goes about things all wrong in a comedy of heartbreak and hilarity and missed opportunities.

(Inspired by a comment in one of Jon's Facebook games.)

My Best Friend's Shoes

"You Think YOU'VE Got It Bad"

Mid-to-late 30s consultant bored with life and frustrated by the demands of his high-stress job and repeated problems with home repair wishes for a change. Meanwhile across the country, his friend, a mid-to-late 30s screenwriter, is living with his folks and frustrated that he hasn't sold a script. He also wishes for a change. At the exact same time. Which was July 8, 2009, at 12:34:56am. And magic happens. They switch places. You know how the rest goes.

Ideally, I am thinking perhaps Jason Bateman and Robert Downey Jr . Although I could totally dig a Steve Zahn & Sam Rockwell reunion (yes, another one). For the mother, how about Shirley Knight, since Debbie Reynolds is taken.

(Inspired by a comment by Jon on List Anything)

The Corrector

From the caterers of Wild Hogs and the sound team from Anchorman, comes this hilarious story of one guy and his buddies. Sten is basically a good man, if a little reclusive. He doesn't really like people that much; he thinks most of them are stupid. He spends most of his time with his friend Ennis. He corrects everything Ennis says, because Sten has a college degree, and Ennis doesn't. He also corrects his friends Lane, Eric, and Gan* all the time, like when they stupidly call a "backpack" a "bookbag,"

The actor that will play Sten would need to be real good at the Napoleon Dynamite voice, yelling things, and generally looking exasperated.

Once people see the movie, one word from The Corrector will be sweeping the nation, in an Office Space sort of way. You see, at Christmas, Sten gets some new shoes-with-wheels. Whenever Lane, Eric, Gan and Ennis see him rolling around they say, "Nice wheelies, nerd."

In response, Sten hits the brakes, turns around, tenses his shoulder, and yells, "HEELIES!" in his best disgusted grunt.

This post open for all suggestions -- plot, casting, deletion...

Smooches Pt II - "It all started with a SpBark!"

Unlike most body switching movies, Terry Cuddles never turns back human. And Vanessa gives him up for pet adoption. She moves outside the city to Rockville and falls in love with…you guessed it! The misfit orphan, Josh, who bought Pete's 'Za! for a dollar. Josh has made quite the life for himself, starting from nothing and all. Well, Smooches, or Terry, ends up getting adopted by Howie (John Goodman), a single guy living in the city running his own 'za shop. Before long Howie falls on hard times and loses his 'za shop. He can't afford to live in the city anymore, so he and Smooches pack up and moves to nearby Rockville. While wandering the city streets with Smooches, he comes across Pete's 'Za and decides, with consultation from smooches, who wants to get back at Vanessa, that the 'za is disgusting and that Rockville deserves a better pizzeria. So what do Terry and Smooches do? They open a Sbarro, and Smooches runs around and delivers pizza on his back, and they make millions, and put Vanessa and Josh out of business. Then the credits roll with Howie and Smooches riding down the road in a convertible listening to "I'm Alright" by Kenny Loggins.

**Alternate Ending**
At the end of the credits, after all the film neophytes have left the movie theatre leaving only the hardcore nerds with RTF degrees, Howie and Smooches pass Vanessa and Josh rollerskating on the side of the road in their convertible. They make a u-turn and throw old 'za and breadsticks and marinara sauce at them. and they eat it. because they are homeless rollerskaters.

Smooches

The perfect Valentine's day movie, Smooches tells the story of Terry Cuddles (Rob Schneider) who buys a dog (Smooches) so he can win over the girl of his dreams, Vanessa (Teri Polo) . But when an electrical storm causes changes in the atmosphere, Terry and Smooches switch bodies in the middle of the night!
Now, Terry has to convince Vanessa that just because he's a dog, doesn't mean he can't love like man (and just imagine the hysterics when Smooches adjusts to his new human body!). A cross between Like Father Like Son, Freaky Friday, All of Me, Vice Versa, Switch, The Hot Chick, Big, Heart and Souls, and Meet Joe Black.

Toiletries

In this hilarious computer-animated film by Pixar (hint hint), we get follow the adventures of Tommy the Toothbrush (voiced by Ben Stiller) as he settles into his new home and tries to deal with living only a couple feet away from Flushy the Toilet (voiced by Isaac Hayes) and the germs he spreads every time he's flushed. Tommy quickly makes friends with his new roommates, Hilda the Hairbrush (voiced by Meryl Streep) and Craig the electric nose hair clipper (voiced by Seth Green) and with their help tries to relocate further away from Flushy. But there's only one problem...he doesn't have legs!