Smooches Pt II - "It all started with a SpBark!"

Unlike most body switching movies, Terry Cuddles never turns back human. And Vanessa gives him up for pet adoption. She moves outside the city to Rockville and falls in love with…you guessed it! The misfit orphan, Josh, who bought Pete's 'Za! for a dollar. Josh has made quite the life for himself, starting from nothing and all. Well, Smooches, or Terry, ends up getting adopted by Howie (John Goodman), a single guy living in the city running his own 'za shop. Before long Howie falls on hard times and loses his 'za shop. He can't afford to live in the city anymore, so he and Smooches pack up and moves to nearby Rockville. While wandering the city streets with Smooches, he comes across Pete's 'Za and decides, with consultation from smooches, who wants to get back at Vanessa, that the 'za is disgusting and that Rockville deserves a better pizzeria. So what do Terry and Smooches do? They open a Sbarro, and Smooches runs around and delivers pizza on his back, and they make millions, and put Vanessa and Josh out of business. Then the credits roll with Howie and Smooches riding down the road in a convertible listening to "I'm Alright" by Kenny Loggins.

**Alternate Ending**
At the end of the credits, after all the film neophytes have left the movie theatre leaving only the hardcore nerds with RTF degrees, Howie and Smooches pass Vanessa and Josh rollerskating on the side of the road in their convertible. They make a u-turn and throw old 'za and breadsticks and marinara sauce at them. and they eat it. because they are homeless rollerskaters.

'Gna!

Well, what do you know? 'Za was a hit and now they want a sequel and the whole gang has sold out!

Courtney went off to Hollywood and, can you believe it?, became the hottest starlet in town. Because she's such a genuine sweetheart, though, the first place she runs is back to Hometown to see Joe. And she even takes the bus. She steps off to a Rilo Kiley tune and into Joe's arms.

Joe has been wanting to see Vince and the moppet, and Courtney's been longing to do some theatre, so they head to the The City. In a car. The bright lights glare and the Postal Service plays and they just love it so much, they decide to move. After selling Pete's to Hometown's misfit orphan Josh (Justin Long) for a buck, Joe decides to go in on a joint venture with Vince and Courtney and they open their new restaurant Mama's 'Gna. Frank's mom's secret lasagna recipe quickly becomes the biggest hit in town and our three heroes are the toast of the city. "Four stars!" everyone reads in the paper.

And you know what success means....DRUGS. Drugs, and crying, and tantrums, and drama. Even little teen moppet gets in on the action. It is a big mess, and then everyone cries and hugs and after some bummer scenes with Iron and Wine music, everyone cries some more and gets better and grows up and then there's a big symbolic New Year's Eve party at Gna where everyone is beautiful and Arcade Fire's "Wake Up" plays the camera out the window into the city lights.

I think somewhere in there Josh managed to marry Ellen Page. She is a teacher.

'Za!

The movie opens on a pair of kids in the 70s eating lunch with their working class dad, Pete (that annoying heart problem guy from Grey's Anatomy) in a pizzeria. The dad talks wistfully about his unrealized dream of his own restaurant. The kids listen for a while as they eat. The boring story ends, the kids fight over the last piece, the cheese pulls, draws, and snaps. Cut to opening credits.

Fade In. Now 30 years older, the brothers - Joe (Sam Rockwell) and Vince (Steve Zahn) - are standing in front of an open grave. Dad is dead and they are sad. Joe still works in town, but Vince has had to drive in all the way from The City where he works as A Rich Investment Banker. Joe is, you guessed it, single; and Vince is, say it with me, divorced. His ex-wife is, yep, angry at him, and his kid, obviously, never gets to see him. His wife is, let's say, Sara, and is played by Carla Gugino or whatever her name is. His kid is annoying moppy headed child actor #53. Yeah, the one from Oklahoma City.

So for some reason Vince is persuaded to stay in The Hometown to get his mother, Frances (Rosemary Harris) in a nursing home or some shit and while he is there has this life-changing idea to help Joe open a pizzeria in honor of his dad. I am sure it will be called Pete's. Pete's 'Za. (That's what Pete's mother always called it.)

They hire a waitress, Courtney (Mandy Moore), who is studying at the local community college but wants to be an actress. She somehow manages to fall for both and/or either of them. They fight over her. They fight over what kind of 'za they should sell. They fight and make up. Vince's moppet comes to visit and they all have fun. Joe and Courtney fall in love. Pete's makes money. Everyone is happy.

But then everyone is sad. Now that Pete's is a smashing success, Vince can go back to The City and his important job. Before he drives off in his stupid Range Rover, there is hugging and double-back-pats. Courtney is now done with community college and has to make her big break for Hollywood. They make out and she leaves on a bus. (She is probably going to end up a hooker, but that is neither here nor there.)

Joe is alone but he has Pete's and he has money and everything is right with the world, in a melancholy-but-totally-ok sort of way.
*Cue Josh Ritter Music.*


---This movie brought to you by my lunch break and my incredibly grody burrito.

** And thanks to Mia for the one sheet.

The Stranger

Young William Martin Joel (Daniel Radcliffe - using a New York accent and gaining 30 pounds) is a piano prodigy born in The Bronx, who starts to rebel against his tough neighborhood upbringing by taking on a rock-n-roll persona everyone will come to know and love as Billy Joel.
Now, older and successful (Sean Astin), Billy deals with his success and drug habits as well as struggling with a boxing career and learning to deal with dating supermodels like Christie Brinkley (Sienna Miller - they really didn't meet until much later but will make the movie more dramatic). The majority of the movie focuses on Billy's struggle with being ugly and stupid but really really rich.
Eventually, Billy overcomes his fears and starts writing again, putting out a grammy award winning album with a hit song that basically lists major turning points in history.
*Academy Award nods to Daniel Radcliffe, Sean Astin, Sienna Miller
***Please note that The Stranger and Rocket Man are sold as a double feature only.

Rocket Man

Young Reginald Dwight (Daniel Radcliffe) is a piano prodigy born in Pinner, Middlesex, who starts to rebel against his strict parents by taking on a rock-n-roll persona everyone will come to know and love as Elton John.
Now, older and successful (Hugo Weaving), Elton deals with his success and drug habits as well as coming out of the closet and revealing to the world his relationship with his lyricist, Bernie Taupin (Kevin Spacey -- this part isn't true but will make the movie more dramatic). The majority of the movie focuses on Elton's hiatus from performing in 1976 and the three years he spent secluded in one of his three mansions.
Eventually, Elton overcomes his fears and starts writing again, putting out a grammy award winning soundtrack for The Lion King and changing his lyrics to his most famous song, Candle in the Wind, to pay homage to Princess Diane.
*Academy Award nods to Daniel Radcliffe, Hugo Weaving, Kevin Spacey